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Posted : 08/12/06

[Editor's Note: This was riginally written as a guest article. I changed some obvious phrases, but it something doens't make sense, just keep that in mind]

Now itís a bit odd, but I decided that I m posting an article here when it was intended to be a guest article for another site. Weird, no? Well thatís the way itís going to be, and youíre going to have to deal with it. I ran out of time, and it's the only backup I had left. Sure this contains very little of the brilliance of my regular articles, but it shall be something to read nonetheless. The pictures are as well low-budget, as I donít want to take the time to take screenshots if Iím not even doing this seriously, so I just stole them from a Google image search.

This review is obviously (as long as you took the time to read the link and the title) about the game Super Smash TV. Itís a game that I really enjoy, and was playing a lot for a while back in October. The game is very simplistic, as it is derived from an arcade game of a similar name. While the arcade version might have a few extra scenes and (slightly) better looking models (I think, I only glanced at one screenshot. In the console version, they look like ugly men.), there probably isnít a whole lot of difference between the two.

The game is basically you and possibly a friend running around a maze, killing hordes of enemies and picking up a bunch of prizes along the way. Itís set up as some sort of futuristic game show, and I think itís pretty accurate, as with the current trend of violence-loving and reality TV, a real life Smash TV might not be far off. But that sad, sad fact aside, the game is pretty fun. Itís also pretty hard, and I canít get too far without cheating. There are tons of enemies, way more than in any Gauntlet game, even. And the bosses have tons of life and really enjoy killing you.

Even though itís almost always the same thing over and over, I find that the game doesnít get too boring after playing it a lot. The only real different rooms are the cash rooms and bosses. The only annoying part of the game is at the end of a level, when your points are tallied up. Itís fine if you do badly, but if you get a lot of stuff, it can take a long time to add up all your points. And the worst part is that you canít skip it, you have to sit for 1 to 3 minutes waiting for the points to count up.

Now like I said, you basically just go around shooting stuff. Enemies constantly flood out of each side of the room, and you just canít stop them. Fortunately, there are a whole bunch of power-ups to help take the gaggles of goons out. A bunch of weapons are at your disposal, like machine guns, rocket launchers, and spread shots. Then there are other things like the speed-up, invincibility, and a shield. The only thing is that the rooms last a long time, and the power-up donít last nearly long enough to be of maximum use. But they do appear quite often, so it sort of balances out.

The bosses, on the other hand, are incredibly hard to beat if youíre not cheating. Theyíre pretty big, have a lot of weapons, and are slightly faster than yourself. Not only that, but they take forever to kill, and most of the time, your forced to use special weapons because normal guns donít work at all. So not only are they very hard to not get killed by, but they take forever to beat, too. If there is an upside, itís that the third one (I think) looks just like the announcer guy, and I thought that was pretty funny.

Now that Iím done with the summary, hereís my point tally.

Graphics: They look fine for the SNES, and I think theyíre mostly the same as the arcade version. The only real downside is that the game show babes are beastly. The greatest thing is that there can be about 40 things moving on the screen at the same time with no slowdown whatsoever. Or at least none that I can recall. 8

Sound & music I canít really remember there being any music. I guess it was all drowned out by the shooting and the dying. There are a few voice samples for the announcer, and theyíre pretty good compared to most voice samples in game of that time. And by that, I mean that you can tell what heís saying. 6

Controls This is where the game really shines. You control your guy with the d-pad, and which way he shoots with the face buttons, so you can move and shoot in different directions. If youíre playing the ROM and have a dual-analog gamepad, try setting movement to one stick and shooting to the other. I couldnít get it to work, but I imagine it would work very nicely. 10

Fun Itís good fun, and is just as good with two players. It can really get competitive if youíre both obsessed with getting all the loot, so it really adds to the fun of the game. It loses a few points because the bosses take way too long to kill and the game is just too damn hard to get very far. 8

Overall I enjoy the game, but not in extended periods of time. I might beat a few rooms one day, save state, play a few rooms the next day, and so on. The lack of notable/memorable music is a real downer for me, but that just means I can turn off the sound and pop in one of my CDs without feeling cheated out of awesome music. Itís games like this that are the foundation of what an arcade should be. We need less of those damned shooting and fighting games and more of the old-school adventureish games like this or that Ninja Turtles arcade game. Overall, Iíll give it a 7.

So thatís about it. I do feel a little low for posting this on my site, itís not exactly up to my general standards. But what can I say, it took me about an hour to write, including the time it took me to figure out what Iíd write about, get the pictures, and write the thing. So I guess the last little note I should tack on here is that if youíve got a friends nearby and a couple of PC gamepads, go download this ROM now, or buy one of the many classic arcade compilations that have this game on it. Itís a game worth trying out, and as Iíve said for many a game before this, itís great for killing time.

~Ryan
E-Mail: Tuominenator[at]gmail[dot]com

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