------------------------------------------------------------------------ _____ ____ _ _ / ___ \ / __ \ | | | | | | \_| | | | | | | | | | \____ | | | | | | | \____ \ | | | | | _ \ | | | |___ | \___| | | | \_____/ \...fuck this. This is far more trouble than it's worth. Anybody who's impressed by this ASCII art shit is likely retarded anyway. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ***SOLITAIRE THE FAQ!!!!*** Version 6.92A Omega Blue Edition Released: April 21, 2007 Written by: Ryan Tuominen aka Return of the ViruS on GameFAQs.com in case u want to join me on flaminating trolls and pawning n00bers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ NOTE: This is a spoiler-free guide __________________________________________ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ TABEL OF CONTENTS ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& __________________________________________ Chapter 1 - About this guide (4398ydsfnbawefu) Chapter 2 - About the author (rejn2439h8rtersfdgd) Chapter 3 - About Solitaire (vdsfdbgiwefbjbfdjgsdfghdfghs) Chapter 4 - How To Play (c4htp) Chapter 5 - Strategies (452nfg245655645) Chapter 6 - Enemy Index (gsyg546rgfdgfhsfdhgr56542) 6.1 - regular enemies (c61ren) 6.2 - bosses (FREEBIRD) 6.3 - miscellany (doesn't anyone besides me know how to spell "definitely" correctly?) Chapter 7 - Shop List (c7shps) Chapter 8 - Sidequests (c8sqts) Chapter X - Poor grammar/spelling (GameFAQS #1 requirement) Chapter 9 - AN ACTUAL FAQ!!!1! (lawlz funny evry time) Chapter 10- Version History (gewn48u09324p-011) Chapter 11- Things I like (fest6urt1245r) Chapter 12- Legal bullcrap (Are they serious? This is the fucking internet) Chapter X2- Off-topic (GameFAQs #2 requirement) Chapter 13- Thanks (Inflating the egos of... well, very few) ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAHAPTER ONESIES! - About this guide (4398ydsfnbawefu) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ________________________________________________________________________ So hey guys I'm making a guide on Solitaire for the windowes platform that's on PC. Pc games totally > console games like Nintendo. especially Solitaire but more on that in a later chapter Like maybe chapter 3 that's about the game. This chapter is about what this guide is about. So this guide is about solitaire the pc game for Windows. It's not really my first time writing a FAQ and or walkthru but the other ones that I wrote didnt get excepted and so it's kind of my first one because it did get excepted and now you can all read it on the series of tubes we call INTERNET (what a funny joke LOL! calling the internet a "series of tubes" is a reference if you don't get it). I also wrote FAQS for FF7 (the only reason to own a console game) and Escape from Monkey Island (best one in the series! totally!). the only difference is those ones didn't get excepted so they're not in the intertubes, and they're not even on my desktop anymore because I deleted them because i was mad that I worked so hard on them and then they didn't get excepted and nobody will ever see my hard work on them. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ________________________________________________________________________ CHAPTER TWOS! -About the author (rejn2439h8rtersfdgd) ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ Okay guys my name is Ryan and i like to play video games a lot. but only PC games becuse console games like microsoft XBOX are way too dumb and the keyboard games are totally better than using a controller. What kind of stupid thing is a controller anyway. But enough about my hatred of console games like sega. I'm a pretty cool guy and I like to say that I'm cool even though I play a lots of video games and usually people who play video games a lots aren't very cool at all and are actually huge nerds. But I totally have a real social life and a real gf (i don't fap to anime/video game chicks like the rest of the internet. polygon's aren't sexy) so i'm definetly not a huge nerd. I decided to write this FAQ about solitaire because I really like to write and I think I have a pretty good writing talent. Most of the FAQs out there are written by just anybody so they usually aren't very well written because most people aren't good at writing things. Even though FAqs aren't very hard because you just need to have the facts. I think the differents between a good FAQ and a bad one is that a good one is well-written and has a lot of good writing and jokes in it. Also, it should have as many horrible puns as possible. Did you know that a hidden requirement to get your FAQ on GameFAQs.com is to have at least a million really bad puns in your FAQ? It's true because I only had 999,999 in my other ones and since they didn't get excepted at GameFAQs.com and there's no other reason I can think of as why they didn't get excepted. Also I have an account at GameFAQs.com called "Return of the viruS" which is based on my old user account "the ZeroviruS" which got banned because I was flaming Xbots. I don't know why it got banned, because everyone knows that anybody whos stupid enough to own an Microsoft Xbox must be flamed. so yeah if you see me on the GameFAQs boards (I spend only 92% of my time there so I can still have a REAL social life) you can say hi and how much you like my FAq and stuff. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER three -About Solitaire (vdsfdbgiwefbjbfdjgsdfghdfghs) ======================================================================== Solitaire is an exelent PC game for Windows that you can play on your PC. The best part about it over other games is that it comes free with Windows! I guess minesweeper does come free too but it's not as cool as Solitaire. Solitaire has way more replay vaule. Anyway Solitaire is a card game and I guess you could probably play it with cards too, but why wuold you want to? when you play it on your PC you can just move cards with the mouse pointer and you never have to shuffle the deck like real cards. what a pain in the A$$. Nobody's good at shuffling cards so don't tell me it's easy. Anyway Solitaire is a one-player game, and you can tell alot by the name of the game. Because "Solitaire" is kind of like "solitary" and that means being alone, so obviously the game would be only for one person. I guess you could play solitaire on a team, but that's not right because it's supposed to be one-player. ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ======================================================================== 88888888888888888888888888888888 chapter FOUR -How To Play (c4htp) 7777777777777777777777777777777777777777 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The game of solitaire is very easy to learn. CONTROLS: mouse: click and hold to drag cards to spots where they can go TO PLAY: The point of solitiaire is to get all you cards onto the top corner spots, in piles according to suit, going from ace to king. The trick is you have to do this according to rules! You start the game out with seven rows of cards, each one with one card more than the other, so the first row has one and the last has seven. The first card in each row is flipped over. From there you have to make some decisions. To do anyhting, you have to put a card on top of a card which is one higher than it and of a different color. so say you have a red five on one pile, you have to put a black four on it, and your five has to be placed on a six. Suit doesn't matter until yo're building your ace piles, and aces are low BTW. I guess you could play with aces high, bu t usually they are low. Oh, yeah, and "aces are low" means that aces coulnt as one, so you have to put them on a two. "Aces high" means they're better than a king, so you can only place them on an empty spot. Eventually after you make some moves, you'll see you have no more moves left. from here there are more things you can do. I will list them now. 1. Put aces on the top corner spots. 2. flip over any cards that are facing down 3. put a king on any empty spots. You can always do those three moves anytime, but it's usually better to do your regular card-placing moves first. When you have absolutely no other moves left to do, you can still have one chance even when things seem like they're over! That's where the deck sitting on the northwest corner (that's top left for people who don't know) comes in to play. Each time you can click on it, it will flip over three cards and you can choose the thid one to go somewhere if it can go somewhere. there's also an option in the menu where you can change it to only flip one card per click, so it's a lot easier that way. my friends say that the onecard flip is only for pussies, but that's just because they keep losing and i almost always win. It's a lot better to play with the one-card flip, I say. So now you know what to do, but what happens next? well you keep on matching up card until one of two things can happen: I will list them both right next: 1. you can't make any more moves. That means you lose 2. If you keep playing, eventually you will have four row of cards, starting with a king and ending wiht a 2 (or an ace if you didn't put them o the ace spots) After that, you have to put on the aces to each a different spot on the top row and then line up all your other cards by suit. After that, you win! I won't give a way the ending, but I will tell that it's SUPER SWEET! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~o0`----------------------------------------------------------------`0o~ CHaPTeR FiVe -Strategies (452nfg245655645) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ---- --- -- - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. always turn over your cards when you have no more moves. Don't turn over any cards if you still have a move to make (not including the deck) because you win a lot more if you don't. At least that kind of seems like how it turns out for me. I don't have any statistical proof or anything like that, but cockeyed theory is good enough to count. 2. don't put any cards on the ace spots excepting the aces until the end. Again, I kind of think this might be a good idea, but I don't ahve a real strategy guide (like from BradyGames) to tell for sure. 3. you can click the right mouse button to sutomatically make any possible moves on the board. most people don't know this, because it's an easter egg! 4. The fish deck gives you a 0.00000000000021% better chance of winning. Honest to God i tested it out and it's 100% true. 5. The deck choices on the old Solitaire ar way better than the ones in the Windows XP solitaire. I mean they had a robot COME ON! it's a f-ing ROBOT PEOPLE! A ROBOT1 6. Fives are bad luck. if you ever see a five, jut reshuffle the deck because youa re going to lose. BAD 7. If you eve get no moves right off the start, just reshuffle the deck, because that means you are going to lose. It's science I proved it because I played 100 games and on games when I got no moves at the beginning, 50.6% of the time I lost. and that's the majority of the time so that means it's pretty much hopeless. 8. Play with only one-card flip. It makes the game a lot easier, and it's not sucky at all like my friends say. 9. don't play with score on. If you dont have score on, then you can't get a bad score! 10. Put your finger in an electrical socket. this is a guaranteed way to get better at solitiare, which is a game of pure skill and 0 luck. 11. If you play a lot on windows XP solitiare, it will be right in the first start bar menu so you don't have navigate all the program bar things to get to it! 12. You can drag the solitaire icon from the start menu bar to the desktop to make it a desktop icon so you don't have to navigate the start thingy to get to it! 13. pressing "up, up, down, down, left, left, right, b, a, select, start" at the main menu will get you 50 extra 6 of clubses. also, referencing that anywhere will apparently give you gaming cred, even if you've never actually heard of Contra. ======================================================================== ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OMG RNT THESE PAGE BREAKS OBNOXIOUS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ======================================================================== CHAPTER SIX - Enemy Index (gsyg546rgfdgfhsfdhgr56542) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Chapter 6-1 reglar enemies (c61ren) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -2 of spades The 2 of spades is trickey and you ahve to watch out for it's spike. -3 of spades is the tied 52nd most common enemy, appearing only once in the entire game -4 of spades slow-moving and kind of lazy -5 of spades misses his mommy -6 of spades thought it would be a good idea to embark on a journey to be in a game of solitaire -7 of spades currently a little on the tipsy side. he's had a drinking problem for as lon as I've known him -8 of spades Defense: Holy Weakness: Ice Gold earned: 0 Experience earned: 0 Drops: nothing nothing -9 of spades likes "Zesty Mordant" and "Dessed All Over" chips -10 of spades is as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change -2 of clubs It's like the two of spades, but has round edges so it's not dangerous. -3 of clubs he can kill you in one hit, but there's only a 0.0000001% chance that he'll actually do it. -4 of clubs wants you to throw your undies on the stage, no wait you're underage. -5 of clubs Attacks known: Tail Whip Metal Coat Psychic Thunderbolt -6 of clubs dislikes zombies -7 of clubs was born a club, but deep down wishes he were a diamond -8 of clubs is really a dude, but thinks he's a girl and dresses as such -9 of clubs urges you to shop smart: shop S-Mart -10 of clubs has agoraphobia -2 of hearts Believes unwaveringly in Happy-Happyism -3 of hearts much like the 3 of spades, this card only ever appears once -4 of hearts has the ability to heal other cards when they are damaged -5 of hearts will summon a flock of 5 of heartses to kill you if you attack it too many times. Go indoors to escape -6 of hearts nigh invulneable -7 of hearts carries a large hammer, but rarely uses it. -8 of hearts can be placed on either a 9 of clubs or 9 of spades. prefers the spade -9 of hearts doesn't fear the reaper -10 of hearts afraid of what will happen to him if you win -2 of diamonds wets the bed on occasion -3 of diamonds The only female numbered card in the entire deck. Video game designers can be so sexist sometimes. -4 of diamonds has a one in 128 chance of dropping the Gutsy Bat when defeated -5 of diamonds Attacks known: Bite Skull Bash Hydro Pump Splash -6 of diamonds Likes: pants, bananas, flashy helmets Dislikes: nets, and getting caught in them -7 of diamonds wishes he had never left home to chase his dreams of becoming a famous video game designer -8 of diamonds was born a diamond, but deep down wishes he were a club -9 of diamonds completely harmless -10 of diamonds not outstanding in any way ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Chapter 6-2 bosses (FREEBIRD) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -Jack of spades Kind of an ass, really. -Queen of spades spends all day trying to figure out MySpace -King of spades The final boss of world 6, balances on a ball during the battle and throws more balls at you. your prize for defeating him is a P-Wing -Ace of spades The big daddy of all cards. Rumoured to frighten the Vietnamese. -Jack of clubs Using any type of healing magic or items will hurt him, and a revive will kill him outright 80% of the time (sometimes it misses) -Queen of clubs Living in a material world, she's a material girl. -King of clubs Had some nasty comments on how the brilliant satire in this guide had degenerated into bad pop culture references around Chapter 6, so I busted his kneecaps. -Ace of clubs Thinks Family Guy is funnier than American Dad. Dumbass. -Jack of hearts Should be taken with plenty of water -Queen of hearts A city girl who found out early how to open doors with just a smile -King of hearts Regular Season stats GP - 1487 G - 894 A - 1963 Pts - 2857 PIM - 577 Playoff stats GP - 208 G - 122 A - 260 Pts - 382 PIM - 66 -Ace of hearts He may be called the "ace of hearts", but really, he's got no game at all. I mean less than me even. -Jack of diamonds didn't realize how awesome My Chemical Romance's "Welcome to the Black Parade" really is until he'd listened to it like 10 times. Then he noticed that it sounds like Brian May is playing guitar on it. ROCK. -Queen of diamonds Often goes on MySpace just to check something and winds up begin on the thing for hours, custom-tailoring her background picture and searching for people she knows. -King of diamonds He's the king of diamonds, so therefore he must be a diamond himself, amirite? Or maybe it's just a nickname... -Ace of diamonds Has never played Ape Escape, and therefore doesn't enjoy Chapter 6 of my Solitaire guide quite as much as those who have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Chapter 6-3 miscellany (doesn't anyone besides me know how to spell "definitely" correctly?) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ====UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!11!!==== =======CHECK BACK LATERZ!!======= ======================================================================= ========================================================================= o----Chapter 7----o Shops list (c7shps) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ------UnDeR CoNsTrUcTiOn!-------- =================/\============== //\\ ================|\ \\============ /\ \// ==============/ |--============= / / ============/ /================= / / =======___/ /=================== / \_/ =====/ / \==================== | / | =====\ /==================== \____/ =================================(it's a shovel, dingus!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 8 Sidequests (c8sqts) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There are litaraly like a million or so sidequests in Solitaire, as there would be and pretty much HAVE TO BE in any good game. Because, you know, a game isn't very good unless half of it is unrelated filler. Screw storylines! They should totally make a game wat is 100% sidequests, but of course you would somehow get 100.4% completion rate (or something else completely arbitrary) once you've done them all. BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO COMPLETE MORE THAN 100% OF A GAME! Unfortuantely, I haven't completed any of the sidequests yet, so I can't really write any strats on them yet! So... _______SECTION UNDER CONSTRUCTIEN!!!__________ -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 9 --- AN ACTUAL FAQ!! (lawlz funny evry time) 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 This is the part of the FAQ where I actually have some Frequently Asked Questions! Man, people always make some joke about this part, and it's ALWAYS ALWAYS FUNNY! Running jokes are hilarious, especially when they weren't that funny to begin with. So yeah, it looks like I better put some actual FAQS in my FAQ!~ Ohyeah, and most people also jsut make up dumb questions that sound like real questions to fill out this section, because no-one ever truly sends in questions to a FAQ writer. But mine are real! People really sent me in questions so that I could answer them here! That makes me legit! ...But I won't publish screen names or e-mails or anyhting, to protect the innocent. Q: How do I play Solitaire? A: Please refer to the Chapter 4 - How to Play section. Also, I hope nobody else sends me in questions that are already answered somewhere else in this guide. Q: Solitaire sucks A: That's not a question! Q: Don't you hate it when someone sends in a statement and then the answer is "That wasn't a question"? A: No, man! That's timeless comedy! Funnier every time! Q: Doesn't it seem like a waste of time to write a FAQ for Solitaire? A: Yes, but only as much as it's a waste of time to write a half-assed satirical piece that will never be appreciated for what it is, Q: How many really bad recurring "joke" questions is too many? A: None! Every FAQ writer should strive to have as many as they can! It should be higher priority than writing a comprehensive guide! Q: Solitaire is for girls A: that's not a question! Q: Your FAQ sucks A: That's not a question! V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ oO~ Chapter 10 ~Oo - Version History - (gewn48u09324p-011) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V Here i will keep a record of every version of my Solitaire guide that I put out. Because, you know, people are jsut SO interested when I added each item location! --Version 1.0 -03/12/06 -Started guide -finished chapters 1 through 5 -started sweet ASCII title logo --Version 1.1 -06/12/06 -continued guide -started chapter 6 -made a table of contentes --Version 1.1b Yellow Panzer edition -07/12/06 -added "3 of spades" to enemy list --Version 1.1f giant tiger edition -08/12/06 -spectacular savings on chips! --version 2.0 -21/21/06 -finished chapter 6-1! -thought about tacos --version 2.2 -31/12/06 -started chapter 6-2 -wanted to finish more, but had to get ready for New Years! -continued to think about tacos --version 3.0 grand poobah version -02/01/07 -decided to give up ahlfway though sweet ASCII title logo. Didn't delete it because pressing the delete key that many times would be too hard -finished chapter 6-2 -put chapter 6-3 under construction -put chapter 7 under construction --version 4.0 -11/01/07 -made sweet ascii shovel for chapter 7 -decided to keep a version history from now on. --version 4.banana -13/02/07 -made up stuff for previous version history entries, because I forgot what i did and when --version 4.kumquat -02/14/07 -changed date format in version history chapter from DD/MM/YY to MM/DD/YY --version 5.0 -23/02/07 -changed date format back to DD/MM/YY. was clashing with my new shoes --version 5.1 -02/03/07 -added a whole bunch of sutff -fuck this version history is dumb -why didn't i realize that before i started this? -maybe people don't actually like these version history sections? -nah. --version 6.0 -05/05/07 -been a while since I worked on the FAQ -added all the questions people e-mailed to me into chaprter 9 -thought about tacos for the first time in months -first big boy hair! --version 6.43 alpha violet edition -20/05/07 -prety much finished the guide -except for all those "under construction" chapters, of coarse --version 6.92A Omega Blue Edition -21/05/07 -this one! -didn't change anythign, but it thought it needed a cooler version number -taco night! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHAHAPTER EREVEN (get it like Japanese they can't pronounce ls!) Things I like (fest6urt1245r) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is a list of things I like. It's here because it's completely irrelevant to the topic (like 60% of the content in all good guides). Assume that everyhitng that is not on the list, I hate. or at least i don't like them alot -PC games -PCs -Bunnies -good FAQs (with lots of jokes and memes!) -GameFAQs.com -techno/rave/electronica music -message boards -lolicon hentai -bestiality hentai -lolicon bestiality hentai -real girls (not fatties!) -solitaire -Penis. Wait no. Forget that one ***************************************************************************** *@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ CHaptere twelve legal bullcrap (Are they serious? This is the fucking internet) ---------------------------------------------------------- Okay guys, so don't steal my FAQ. if you do I'll know and i'll sue you. OR WORSE! But i wont' say what worse, because then you'll be scared of me and will be less likely to steal my FAQ. It's my intallectual property and you can't use it on your sight unles I say so! And nobody is allowed to use it ontheir sight but me! I would ahve let it be on gamefaqs.com, but they wasted theyre chance and now i'm not allowing it to be on gamefaqs.com, and if i see it ont there, i will suE! ---------------------------------------------------------- ----------- Chapter 13 Thanks (Inflating the egos of... well, very few) ------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay this is where i wil thakns to eveyone who inspired this faq in any way, even if they really didn't do anythign, or i dont' really like them. ME - because I worte it all! Gamefaqs.com - for having faqs and inspiring me to write a FAQ all the terrible fAQ writers at Gfaqs - for showing me how to use overplayed jokes all the good faq writers at gfaqs - wait, there aren't any the guy who invented solitaire - OBVIOUS! windows - for coming with free solitaire micro$oft - for making windows hentai artists - for the beast-loli that got me through the rough nights the internet - for being full of morons that are easy to make fun of ---------------------------------------------------------------- ~FIN~